In Japan they have a saying "seven times down eight times up." I believe in this saying. It speaks volumes about what kind of quality of life we are going to have.
Disappointment is a part of every growing process. Nothing that we know of grows overnight. It take time effort and energy.
Here is why I bring this up. I am currently working with a few people attempting to gain some long term recovery. Some have been successful in cutting way back on the number of binges and purges, some have one day some put together three or four days at a time. They are understandably excited and enthusiastic. Finally they are putting some hours together and feel they are moving away from the bulimic stangle hold. Then they experienced a lapse.
Because I talk to these people I have the opportunity to experience the emotional upheaval that occurs when someone relapses or lapse. It can be devastating and cruel. Most of the cruelity comes from the person themselves.
I hear this:
"I failed."
"I'm a fake."
"So and so is going to be disappointed in me."
"I feel like such a failure."
"I'm such a loser."
You can fill in more and I'm sure we have all experienced this to some degree.
So what's going on here?
Expectations. People think that by gaining one day they have solved the problem and expect to just repeat that day over and over. It doesn't work like that.
I know you have all heard this before and I am going to keep repeating it. Recovery is done in a remission model. It's a DAILY event. Every day brings new opportunity and challenges for us to explore. This means that there are also going to be new solutions to new problems. Not old solutions to new problems.
The body and mind and emotions do not recover overnight. At first most people are extremely fragile emotionally. And the part of them that has been controlled by bulimia wants that control back. Any emotional input can trigger a relapse. And the self beating that comes after it has one job. To make you feel as worse as possible for even trying to recover.
- Every day we seek new answers.
- We pay attention to the cycles that were and possible new cycles.
- Focus on how the body feels.
- When you think about eating or food.
- Notice when the inner voice starts seeking anything you can relapse over.
- People admit that they generate problems to allow relapse.
- Never allow yourself to become hungry or thirsty.
- Allow yourself time everyday for you.
- Start an awareness practice.
- Go for walks.
- Stay with people who support you.
There is a tipping point that drives the bulimic reaction. If you pay attention it doesn't just start all of a sudden. It starts hours before the act. That is the time to start seeking options. The smallest tiny hint that a binge is OK is a huge red flare that says change direction.
Listen. I believe in you. I also know that you can be free of the bulimic cycle. Start now. If your just tuning in and have been bulimic today then stop now. Rehydrate and eat a little something. Regain the rest of today. I know it isn't as easy as that. Of course it's not. But I know you can do this because you have done it before.
Always I welcome feedback and information from anyone. We need each other. You are not alone in this.
Bryan
