Through the Layers of Remission

Hi

I do lots of work with people who are dealing with different addictions. Bulimia is one of the hardest because we need to keep using the object we also need to control.

There is another reason. The layers of remission can be really taxing if you're bulimic. Some of us are able to make the adjustment quickly, some take much longer. It can be exhausting and difficult to endure.

Knowing what to do comes in two arenas.

One is the intellectual knowing. For lots of us this is not a really difficult task. We read. We get information and sometimes get counseling or use a mentor. We end up with an endless supply of information that seems very helpful.

There is a problem though.

The mind deals in concepts. Concepts, if you will, are the minds way of building maps of the territory we are going to "explore." Maps are like plans. They very often don't survive contact with reality. So the "plan" is to use structured eating. But the mind starts to prey on itself during vulnerable moments ( for most of us this is late afternoon or night) and before we know it we are in a binge and purge cycle.

Having concepts is just the start.

The real issue is how are we going to cope with reality? Because we are going to need come face to face with it.

What are we going to DO during the vulnerable times? And I don't mean something vague. I mean what is THE PLAN that you KNOW is going to work.

Sitting at night with a binge in front of television or a book? Right away you know you can't do that. You can't. So don't. Query: What are you going to do instead? What do you KNOW you are going to do instead?

These are questions you need to ask yourself to be successful. There are options and things you can do and better yet know that you can do to avoid relapsing back into bulimic behavior.

All of us need a realistic and concrete plan that is doable to avoid the traps.

Do you know when you are vulnerable? Do you need to be somewhere else at night? Need to drive another route home? Eat somewhere else. Avoid someone or something that is a trigger? We need to realize that this is going to be a long term commitment to remaining in sobriety.

It's not a simple task but it is doable. Absolutely doable.

Any comments or suggestions are welcome. Feel free to contact me if you feel I can help.

We can do this. Don't ever doubt that we can do this.

Bryan

Another One of Bulimia's Lies.

                 Well this isn't working anymore, now what? 

Hi.

        I was talking with a friend the other day about recovery in general. She is currently in remission from heroin use. (She prefers using the word remission like I do.) We were discussing how crazy a chemical addiction is but at the same time how strangely comforting it can be. How getting "high" and knowing that you can do so really gives us a feeling of control and safety.

        It's the same with bulimia. It is a double edged sword. The very act of the binge is comforting as well as the after effects of the purge. The numbness and "zoned" feelings that are the aftershock of a purge. After a while we grow comfortable with this and it seems like the "right" place to be.

        So, in a way, bulimia represents a shelter from emotions, thoughts, physical feelings, and social contact. The last one may differ but a lot of us who experienced bulimia started building some really severe isolation. Bulimia builds this strange comfort zone that we inhabit and this may  go on for years.

        So how do we work with this in remission?

• There is going to be a need to allow your self some ADJUSTMENT TIME. Adjustment time is crucial to a successful remission. At first this is a real pain in the ass because it means that we may stop and start, stop and start and then stop and start before we can start to log some days and weeks. That's if you are counting. I prefer to count each day as a separate entity. 
• Have an abundance of PATIENCE ready to use as you need it. And you will need it. Remission builds slowly over a period of time. Just like bulimic behavior it walks in to your life it will not come crashing in.
• Avoid thinking of OUTCOME. It's not a race. It never was a race. Where we are going is not half as important has how we are going to get there. This may be a really good reason that people who are dealing with addiction tend to look at only one day at a time. Or in some cases hours of half days. It makes sense. Looking in to the future and trying to figure out what's going to happen will not work. It never has. 
• Think of thus as EVOLUTION in to your solid remission status. A slow steady building will actually  take less time overall if you can avoid some of the stops and starts. 
• Remember that we are leaving what appears to be a safe place. We have discovered that this is a lie and in reality bulimia will continue to cause damage. However. REMISSION is not going to feel "right" for a while. It will be uncomfortable and at times painful. But it is always doable. 
• Right away, and this means the day you start, pay attention to your EMOTIONAL FIELD. Super important. Bulimia is supported by emotional swings and moods. It is crucial that you know this and find ways to start NUTURING yourself. Hot showers, favorite moves, a safe environment, people if possible who know what you are going through. Life doesn't always allow us to depressurize while going in to remission but make sure you have some options and your own safe zone.
• It will be helpful to not do this by YOURSELF. We usually binge and purge in isolation. We usually become isolate. Although I know it is hard please find someone to share this journey with. Try some of the information on this site. Talking to other bulimics is a good way to find support with people who know and care. 

         Look at your self as someone who is leaving a place that, although it is dangerous, still feels like a safe harbor. You will be going out in to new unexplored territory. You know the general direction but will be making your own maps as you travel. Take it easy on you, no rush, ho hurry, nothing to win, only a better and healthier you. 

        If you have any more ideas or suggestions please post me. We are here to help each other grow and evolve. I am currently working to develop video blogs so I am hoping to start posting some in the near future. 

 

Keep going.!!!!

Bryan

Bulimia and The Big Lie

It's a cycle or a loop isn't it? And it becomes really frustrating.

The pattern works like this;

• We are caught in a bulimic pattern. The reasons for becoming bulimic are endless but hinge on distorted body image and emotional vulnerabilities. At this juncture we know something is wrong and suspect through constant binge and purging we are causing damage but the so called "rewards" of bulimic patterns are worth it. We need to remember that we are using bulimia as an answer to what we consider "life problems." 
• At some point later we start to really experience the damages. We are exhausted physically, the emotional soothing of after purge actions is no longer as intense and pleasant. We are isolated and alone. We realize that the "look" that we so desired is not good. In fact we start to look worse as bulimia becomes more a factor in our daily lives. We experience more emotional upheavals and depression and anxiety become the normal state of being. 
• The exhaustion drives us to want to find a place of remission. A place where we don't deny the struggle anymore. A place where we can take care of ourselves.
• So. We decide to stop. 
• Perhaps at first we struggle to do it ourselves. We want to keep the secret, well, secret. We are using "willpower" to stop the binges. We decide to be perfectly non bulimic. We use the same "mind" that encouraged bulimia as an answer as the "mind" that is going to lead us to freedom. 
• Rarely does this work.
• We lapse and relapse.
• We recycle to the point where we decide to stop.
• This time we start to use others. We decide that we need other perspectives to add clarity to perspective. And in sharing, we find new tools and perspectives that help us stabilize. We start to gain some abstinence. Out minds become clearer and we start to normalize our emotional structure. 
• Then, sometimes, "something happens", we destabilize, and return to the bulimic behaviors.
• The bulimic brain starts screaming about giving up entirely.  

 MOST OF WHAT I HEAR AT THIS POINT IS THE BULIMIA TELLING ME THAT 

 "IT'S USELESS."

"YOU WILL NEVER RECOVER."

"I CAN'T DO THIS."

"NOW I HAVE TO  START OVER.". 

BULIMIA IS TELLING YOU LIES!! 

The bulimic mind is telling you lies. "It" wants survival. "It" wants you to think your efforts to attain remission are useless. 

If we look at what happened we are not repeating the "loop" at the same place. The truth is we have made really good progress and hit a "roadblock." If you are driving from one side of the country to another and you become exhausted and have to stop do you have to start over? 

NO 

NO

AND NO.

When you are ready you start from where you are. 

Yes, we will need to take a look at how this happened and what we need to do about it. But we also need to realize that it's a part of the loop. Does everyone experience this? No. Do most people? Yes. 

So we need to use tools to help us move along in our journey.

• Self report. I use a journal and a tape recorder to track my daily progress. Some people I know have been successful in using a laptop video log or a camcorder. They report that this has really helped them become "used" to body image while addressing remission.Why is this so important? Because you are tracking your journey. 
• Social change. Look around you. Are there new people in your life? There should be. Our perspective hinges on having new perspective and this means new people. Yes we can get perspective from written, or visual information, but nothing has more impact than another human.Other people will keep you aware that you're making changes and progress. 
• Network. Looped to the above. I use a website that is specific to bulimia. It's posted on the blog site. I stay active in eating disorder forums and put in my perspective when it seems applicable. Social action helps. 
• Focus on quality. "The quality of your life will depend entirely on the focus of your attention." - Cheri Huber  We need to "attend" to our successes. Remember that bulimia has trained us to look at the negatives. Sometimes that becomes our whole lives. It is not the speed of remission, it's the quality of the remission itself. 
• One day then the next. That's really a big part of it. One day is all we need to do.If we don't make it through the whole day then a half day will do.
• Every minute counts. We persevere. We make it over the bad times. Every minute you stay in remission counts. Focus on today and better yet focus on right now. If you lapse, learn what you can and then Walk on.

None of this is simple or easy. But it can be done. 

I am interested in any comments or suggestions. Anything you can add would be welcome!!

We can do this. 

Keep going. Stay even. 

Bryan