Hey.
We are all different to the degree that we have our needs at various levels. Some people are able to go into remission with little in the way of support of others. Some need all the support that they can gather from most everyone they know. Most of us are in the middle.
I think it's important to share information about my addictions. The reason being that I need to have new ideas and tools and perspective to facilitate change. I don't believe that we can change with the same mental programs that keep us addicted in the first place. We need new information.
So a friend and I who went into recovery together were talking about how that works specifically with bulimia . My take on talking about my bulimia initially was that it was embarrassing and "others" would think less of me. I mean after all how could I possibly explain my behavior and thoughts to persons who can't possibly understand?
My friend and I realized that one of the great things about a website specific to bulimia was that we could "practice" disclosure in a fairly safe environment. One where we were fairly sure we were talking to other people who were experiencing the same problem on a similar level.
And it works.
Specifically for giving myself permission to share my struggles with others. Does any site offer cures? No. Everyone will have their own level and mechanics for remission from any behavior. Do sites offer tools? Yes. Definitely. If you find a site you like and continue to stay on it you will soon find people willing to share whatever works for them. Then if you become "stuck" or "lapse" or find yourself needing new tools you will have a whole box of them.
Telling family and friends? Although most of us would rather die than do so, the odd part about it is that:
1. Lots more people "know" there is something wrong than we give them credit for. They simply may not know what or are suffering embarrassment over discussing the issue.
2. We have this "dramatic" image in our heads about responses. Listen. People who love you will care in a good way. They will offer what support they can. They may respond dramatically for the first day. Then? They get on with life. Just like we do.
3. The relief from telling people really helps us tackle the problem head on. No more being able to hide from others and therefore ourselves. A striking point in remission.
Someone once said that if you tell the truth you never have to try to remember anything. So telling people I care about who and what I am only results in me being comfortable with me.
My suggestion is to look at the different sites and get a handle of the "flavor" of the site and how things are handled. Join a site and read it everyday. Find yourself a name you like. Then use it and start sharing. Fear is a paper tiger. Fear is always bigger in our heads than in reality.
In Loving Kindness
Bryan
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Friday, September 19, 2014
Bulimia and Lapse
Hey everybody.
I think that when I started this journey towards remission and recovery I was sure that if I stopped bulimic behavior my life was going to change. I was so sure that bulimia was the root cause of "all" my problems and worries. I just knew that stopping the behavior would change everything.
It didn't.
Not that my life did not improve dramatically. It did. I had more energy, was engaged on a higher level, made better decisions, and have started to change my relationship with both food and people. I have become more content and forward looking in my own life. It was well worth the effort.
My root problems did not change just because I became free of bulimic behavior. In fact some of them became very intense. Bulimia was my way of "processing emotions" and my emotional reactions to life in general.
In the beginning I would have a few days of being bulimia free and then return to the safety of bulimic reactions. After a time I would "build" a week or two and then again lapse into bulimic reactions. It was difficult during this period. Every time I thought that I finally "got it" I would lapse back to "fixing" my emotions with bulimic behavior. Binge and purge.
I learned from my reactions and behavior. I struggled with sitting with my emotional responses. I stopped looking for a quick and easy solution to my life problems. I realized that at times I was going to be sad, depressed, and angry. I learned to live with the feelings without running away.
We lapse and relapse sometimes. I have learned that this is simply a part of the bigger picture. It is meant to be. If we persevere through the lapse, work our way out of it, and I do mean work out way out. We come out the other side much stronger and focused. This means to take the lapse and learn from it. Repeat: LEARN FROM IT.
Don't ever give up.
The Japanese have a saying something to the effect "Seven times down, eight times up."
One day your days will build into weeks and weeks into months and months into years. You will find yourself sitting one day wondering how long you have been bulimic free.
Do not count days or weeks and think that time free of bulimic behavior equals some kind of safe place or safety net. We can always lapse.
Keep going. Survive. Lust for your own life. Build your meanings. Don't wait. Persevere.
In Loving Kindness
Bryan
I think that when I started this journey towards remission and recovery I was sure that if I stopped bulimic behavior my life was going to change. I was so sure that bulimia was the root cause of "all" my problems and worries. I just knew that stopping the behavior would change everything.
It didn't.
Not that my life did not improve dramatically. It did. I had more energy, was engaged on a higher level, made better decisions, and have started to change my relationship with both food and people. I have become more content and forward looking in my own life. It was well worth the effort.
My root problems did not change just because I became free of bulimic behavior. In fact some of them became very intense. Bulimia was my way of "processing emotions" and my emotional reactions to life in general.
In the beginning I would have a few days of being bulimia free and then return to the safety of bulimic reactions. After a time I would "build" a week or two and then again lapse into bulimic reactions. It was difficult during this period. Every time I thought that I finally "got it" I would lapse back to "fixing" my emotions with bulimic behavior. Binge and purge.
I learned from my reactions and behavior. I struggled with sitting with my emotional responses. I stopped looking for a quick and easy solution to my life problems. I realized that at times I was going to be sad, depressed, and angry. I learned to live with the feelings without running away.
We lapse and relapse sometimes. I have learned that this is simply a part of the bigger picture. It is meant to be. If we persevere through the lapse, work our way out of it, and I do mean work out way out. We come out the other side much stronger and focused. This means to take the lapse and learn from it. Repeat: LEARN FROM IT.
Don't ever give up.
The Japanese have a saying something to the effect "Seven times down, eight times up."
One day your days will build into weeks and weeks into months and months into years. You will find yourself sitting one day wondering how long you have been bulimic free.
Do not count days or weeks and think that time free of bulimic behavior equals some kind of safe place or safety net. We can always lapse.
Keep going. Survive. Lust for your own life. Build your meanings. Don't wait. Persevere.
In Loving Kindness
Bryan
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Bulimia and taking note.
Taking Note
It's worth it. Really!!!
I know. Everyone who attends a workshop or goes to an info meeting on self help will sooner or later hear about journals or daily logs or writing of some sort or another. My experience? At first it seems like a great idea and I get started. Soon the thrill is gone. Especially on those "down days" when everything seems to be going wrong and I am having difficulty collecting my thoughts.
Then daily writing very slowly, in small increments, starts to fade. Soon I have missed a few days, then weeks, and finally stop.
Why?
Because I give up. And, in my weak self defense, am genetically challenged concerning the work gene.
So?
I have found a way to track my daily moods and eating habits in a shorter version that takes little time at all. Some people who have used this report that they do it during a commercial break when watching television so it is virtually effortless.
Just take short notes. A little daily note will be all you need to remind yourself of how you are doing, what needs to be done, and in fact how many really good days you have.
(KISS: From my 12 step beginnings. Keep It Simple Stupid! Probably something that I really need to remain focused upon.)
My notes are done on a calendar. Basic how did the day go, was I successful in getting things done, did I lapse today, did I stick with my eating program, how was my mood?
Here is what I found in general.
I have a lot more good days than I thought. When I look back on my notes it has become much easier to see that. And. I found that if I start counting the days that seem more "neutral" in general, I have a lot of OK days. Looking back on the days that seemed problematic I can see that there are cycles and swings and ups and downs. Truth? There were no altogether "bad" days. Period.
I use single words and colors to track my days. I use a simple calendar. I don't make a big deal out of it.
It is important to have a sense of where we are and where we are going. It is easier to track the basics on a calendar. If you decide to write more do so. As an added benefit I have started to expand my writing to half a page a day several times a week. It all feels more relaxed and "optional" for me at this juncture.
And it works.
So give it a try and let me know!!
In Loving Kindness
Bryan
It's worth it. Really!!!
I know. Everyone who attends a workshop or goes to an info meeting on self help will sooner or later hear about journals or daily logs or writing of some sort or another. My experience? At first it seems like a great idea and I get started. Soon the thrill is gone. Especially on those "down days" when everything seems to be going wrong and I am having difficulty collecting my thoughts.
Then daily writing very slowly, in small increments, starts to fade. Soon I have missed a few days, then weeks, and finally stop.
Why?
Because I give up. And, in my weak self defense, am genetically challenged concerning the work gene.
So?
I have found a way to track my daily moods and eating habits in a shorter version that takes little time at all. Some people who have used this report that they do it during a commercial break when watching television so it is virtually effortless.
Just take short notes. A little daily note will be all you need to remind yourself of how you are doing, what needs to be done, and in fact how many really good days you have.
(KISS: From my 12 step beginnings. Keep It Simple Stupid! Probably something that I really need to remain focused upon.)
My notes are done on a calendar. Basic how did the day go, was I successful in getting things done, did I lapse today, did I stick with my eating program, how was my mood?
Here is what I found in general.
I have a lot more good days than I thought. When I look back on my notes it has become much easier to see that. And. I found that if I start counting the days that seem more "neutral" in general, I have a lot of OK days. Looking back on the days that seemed problematic I can see that there are cycles and swings and ups and downs. Truth? There were no altogether "bad" days. Period.
I use single words and colors to track my days. I use a simple calendar. I don't make a big deal out of it.
It is important to have a sense of where we are and where we are going. It is easier to track the basics on a calendar. If you decide to write more do so. As an added benefit I have started to expand my writing to half a page a day several times a week. It all feels more relaxed and "optional" for me at this juncture.
And it works.
So give it a try and let me know!!
In Loving Kindness
Bryan
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