Another One of Bulimia's Lies.

                 Well this isn't working anymore, now what? 

Hi.

        I was talking with a friend the other day about recovery in general. She is currently in remission from heroin use. (She prefers using the word remission like I do.) We were discussing how crazy a chemical addiction is but at the same time how strangely comforting it can be. How getting "high" and knowing that you can do so really gives us a feeling of control and safety.

        It's the same with bulimia. It is a double edged sword. The very act of the binge is comforting as well as the after effects of the purge. The numbness and "zoned" feelings that are the aftershock of a purge. After a while we grow comfortable with this and it seems like the "right" place to be.

        So, in a way, bulimia represents a shelter from emotions, thoughts, physical feelings, and social contact. The last one may differ but a lot of us who experienced bulimia started building some really severe isolation. Bulimia builds this strange comfort zone that we inhabit and this may  go on for years.

        So how do we work with this in remission?

• There is going to be a need to allow your self some ADJUSTMENT TIME. Adjustment time is crucial to a successful remission. At first this is a real pain in the ass because it means that we may stop and start, stop and start and then stop and start before we can start to log some days and weeks. That's if you are counting. I prefer to count each day as a separate entity. 
• Have an abundance of PATIENCE ready to use as you need it. And you will need it. Remission builds slowly over a period of time. Just like bulimic behavior it walks in to your life it will not come crashing in.
• Avoid thinking of OUTCOME. It's not a race. It never was a race. Where we are going is not half as important has how we are going to get there. This may be a really good reason that people who are dealing with addiction tend to look at only one day at a time. Or in some cases hours of half days. It makes sense. Looking in to the future and trying to figure out what's going to happen will not work. It never has. 
• Think of thus as EVOLUTION in to your solid remission status. A slow steady building will actually  take less time overall if you can avoid some of the stops and starts. 
• Remember that we are leaving what appears to be a safe place. We have discovered that this is a lie and in reality bulimia will continue to cause damage. However. REMISSION is not going to feel "right" for a while. It will be uncomfortable and at times painful. But it is always doable. 
• Right away, and this means the day you start, pay attention to your EMOTIONAL FIELD. Super important. Bulimia is supported by emotional swings and moods. It is crucial that you know this and find ways to start NUTURING yourself. Hot showers, favorite moves, a safe environment, people if possible who know what you are going through. Life doesn't always allow us to depressurize while going in to remission but make sure you have some options and your own safe zone.
• It will be helpful to not do this by YOURSELF. We usually binge and purge in isolation. We usually become isolate. Although I know it is hard please find someone to share this journey with. Try some of the information on this site. Talking to other bulimics is a good way to find support with people who know and care. 

         Look at your self as someone who is leaving a place that, although it is dangerous, still feels like a safe harbor. You will be going out in to new unexplored territory. You know the general direction but will be making your own maps as you travel. Take it easy on you, no rush, ho hurry, nothing to win, only a better and healthier you. 

        If you have any more ideas or suggestions please post me. We are here to help each other grow and evolve. I am currently working to develop video blogs so I am hoping to start posting some in the near future. 

 

Keep going.!!!!

Bryan