Bulimia and The Big Lie

It's a cycle or a loop isn't it? And it becomes really frustrating.

The pattern works like this;

• We are caught in a bulimic pattern. The reasons for becoming bulimic are endless but hinge on distorted body image and emotional vulnerabilities. At this juncture we know something is wrong and suspect through constant binge and purging we are causing damage but the so called "rewards" of bulimic patterns are worth it. We need to remember that we are using bulimia as an answer to what we consider "life problems." 
• At some point later we start to really experience the damages. We are exhausted physically, the emotional soothing of after purge actions is no longer as intense and pleasant. We are isolated and alone. We realize that the "look" that we so desired is not good. In fact we start to look worse as bulimia becomes more a factor in our daily lives. We experience more emotional upheavals and depression and anxiety become the normal state of being. 
• The exhaustion drives us to want to find a place of remission. A place where we don't deny the struggle anymore. A place where we can take care of ourselves.
• So. We decide to stop. 
• Perhaps at first we struggle to do it ourselves. We want to keep the secret, well, secret. We are using "willpower" to stop the binges. We decide to be perfectly non bulimic. We use the same "mind" that encouraged bulimia as an answer as the "mind" that is going to lead us to freedom. 
• Rarely does this work.
• We lapse and relapse.
• We recycle to the point where we decide to stop.
• This time we start to use others. We decide that we need other perspectives to add clarity to perspective. And in sharing, we find new tools and perspectives that help us stabilize. We start to gain some abstinence. Out minds become clearer and we start to normalize our emotional structure. 
• Then, sometimes, "something happens", we destabilize, and return to the bulimic behaviors.
• The bulimic brain starts screaming about giving up entirely.  

 MOST OF WHAT I HEAR AT THIS POINT IS THE BULIMIA TELLING ME THAT 

 "IT'S USELESS."

"YOU WILL NEVER RECOVER."

"I CAN'T DO THIS."

"NOW I HAVE TO  START OVER.". 

BULIMIA IS TELLING YOU LIES!! 

The bulimic mind is telling you lies. "It" wants survival. "It" wants you to think your efforts to attain remission are useless. 

If we look at what happened we are not repeating the "loop" at the same place. The truth is we have made really good progress and hit a "roadblock." If you are driving from one side of the country to another and you become exhausted and have to stop do you have to start over? 

NO 

NO

AND NO.

When you are ready you start from where you are. 

Yes, we will need to take a look at how this happened and what we need to do about it. But we also need to realize that it's a part of the loop. Does everyone experience this? No. Do most people? Yes. 

So we need to use tools to help us move along in our journey.

• Self report. I use a journal and a tape recorder to track my daily progress. Some people I know have been successful in using a laptop video log or a camcorder. They report that this has really helped them become "used" to body image while addressing remission.Why is this so important? Because you are tracking your journey. 
• Social change. Look around you. Are there new people in your life? There should be. Our perspective hinges on having new perspective and this means new people. Yes we can get perspective from written, or visual information, but nothing has more impact than another human.Other people will keep you aware that you're making changes and progress. 
• Network. Looped to the above. I use a website that is specific to bulimia. It's posted on the blog site. I stay active in eating disorder forums and put in my perspective when it seems applicable. Social action helps. 
• Focus on quality. "The quality of your life will depend entirely on the focus of your attention." - Cheri Huber  We need to "attend" to our successes. Remember that bulimia has trained us to look at the negatives. Sometimes that becomes our whole lives. It is not the speed of remission, it's the quality of the remission itself. 
• One day then the next. That's really a big part of it. One day is all we need to do.If we don't make it through the whole day then a half day will do.
• Every minute counts. We persevere. We make it over the bad times. Every minute you stay in remission counts. Focus on today and better yet focus on right now. If you lapse, learn what you can and then Walk on.

None of this is simple or easy. But it can be done. 

I am interested in any comments or suggestions. Anything you can add would be welcome!!

We can do this. 

Keep going. Stay even. 

Bryan